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No Likey No Spiders
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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I reconnected with my past (thank you facebook!!) and met someone who gave me the courage to finally face my fears of hurting my children by starting a new relationship.

I announced it yesterday to them and it was good and bad - the oldest daughter Nicole is pretty upset because she just thought that her parents would be there together forever.

Honestly they/we were all living in denial because we've been living in a house divided for 9 years now (was divorced in Jan 2000). I mean literally divided with separate living arrangements etc.... That's why this didn't come as a shock to the two youngest (Heather and Katie) and they are pretty happy for me and for their mom as well because she can finally stop hiding her own relationship from the kids now.

Crazy life eh? It was all for the betterment of the children because we wanted them to grow up with both parents in their lives, hopefully we did a good job.

I'm not sure where I go from here, but I'm making a trip to Chicago next month and I have already started job searching there and there is a possibility that the kids' mom will be moving to Michigan. We will let the kids decide where they want to go and who to live with instead of fighting over it all. I honestly had the best conversation with their mom than I've had in 20 years yesterday. We are both happy for each other and it feels like a tremendous load has been lifted off each of our shoulders.

If everyone moves up North we will all be within 3 hours of each other which will still be pretty good and I'll be within 3 hours of my Mom and with 4 hours of my Brother so that makes me even happier about it all.

So now I just cross my fingers and hope for the best. After 9 years of being miserable and trying to hide it from the kids I think I'm ready to do something for ME!!!

Wish me luck. :banana
 

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Best of luck to ya, man. I am somewhat in the same situation. Still married though. We have a 5 and 7 y/o. The first 6 yrs were freaking awesome but after that they have gone down tremendously. We are mostly holding it together for them and for us a little but I think her and I know its on its last thread but we are in denial and keep trying somewhat to make it work and try to rekindle everything..... But nothing changes very long, it keeps reverting back to the dumb sh!t.
 

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my wife and i divorced in '01 and we also have 2 daughters. there was no big custody battle or anything like that. we agreed to share custody by splitting all their bills and sticking to an every other week schedule. every other monday they come home on the school bus and they stay until the following monday when they get off the bus at their moms.they have been doing it for 8 yrs now and dont want to do anything else. i got remarried to my best female friend from highschool 2 yrs ago after a talk with my daughters revealed they just wanted me to be happy. they helped me propose to my new wife. it doesnt get any better than that. i understand the huge weight that was lifted. i hope every thing works out for you:)
 

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Good luck Ed :thumbup sounds like time for change and moving on.
So many parents don't put their kids first when it really matters - introducing them to new partners straight after a split before the new relationship is even established.
 

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Good luck with it all Ed. :cheers

Whether the girls know it or not, they'll be better off with two happy parents rather than two unhappy ones.
 

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Why would she want to move to Michigan? :confused The great job market maybe?
 

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No Likey No Spiders
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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
my wife and i divorced in '01 and we also have 2 daughters. there was no big custody battle or anything like that. we agreed to share custody by splitting all their bills and sticking to an every other week schedule. every other monday they come home on the school bus and they stay until the following monday when they get off the bus at their moms.they have been doing it for 8 yrs now and dont want to do anything else. i got remarried to my best female friend from highschool 2 yrs ago after a talk with my daughters revealed they just wanted me to be happy. they helped me propose to my new wife. it doesnt get any better than that. i understand the huge weight that was lifted. i hope every thing works out for you:)
That sounds like an ideal situation you have there and glad it worked out for you and the girls. :)
Thanks.
 

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No Likey No Spiders
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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Best of luck to ya, man. I am somewhat in the same situation. Still married though. We have a 5 and 7 y/o. The first 6 yrs were freaking awesome but after that they have gone down tremendously. We are mostly holding it together for them and for us a little but I think her and I know its on its last thread but we are in denial and keep trying somewhat to make it work and try to rekindle everything..... But nothing changes very long, it keeps reverting back to the dumb sh!t.
Yeah I've been down that road before too. To be honest our relationship as a married couple was probably dead about 5 years into the marriage. After that we were both in denial or trying to ignore it until the inevitable divorce happened. I say inevitable because I was military at the time and I kept coming home to find my family gone. When I filed for divorce I filed for custody, I was awarded full custody because she didn't even fight for them. That cut me to the bone because all I could think of is what if the kids ever found out she didn't want to fight for them? Then i figured I at least had some control over the situation and had hoped to reconcile the relationship but it never happened because there was too much grief leading up to that point and I couldn't get it out of my head the wrongs that were done to me. I did my own share of wrongs so I'm no angel either...

Best of luck to you in finding the solution to yours.
 

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Appreciate it. I am current military. (NAVY) We dont have it that bad. We still love eachother, theres just no sparks.... I guess maybe we are in a huge rut and dont know how to get out of it.... Its weird, I guess.....
 

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Family - that's where she's from. I met her when I was living in Chicago. I think everyone wants to move "home".
As someone who grew up in MI, lived in socal for many years and returned to the land of short summers, lack of mountains, more mosquitoes, etc. I actually do understand. And I actually have a pretty good quality of life here (except in Jan/Feb/March maybe)

BTW, congratulations and good luck. Life is too short to miss out on the benefits of a great relationship (even w/ the occasional headache that is sure to crop up now and then) Give a holler if you end up back in the midwest.
 

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Good luck Ed, all the best sir.
 

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Good on ya MT. All the best mate :thumbup:cheers
 

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No Likey No Spiders
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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
Was a disaster of epic proportions. :laugh

Total misrepresentation of who she really was/turned into. Bonus is that I ate just about everything that I've been missing the last 20 years in regards to Chicago cooking. :banana

I decided to swim in the waters near my own beach instead of try the long distance thing again. :)
 

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Sounds like a good plan. I went thru some drama like that. My high school sweetheart and I parted ways because she was a liar with wandering eyes. Years later, my stepdad ran into her and told me about how much she changed over the years. He gave me her number and we started talking, dating, and got married. Less than a month later she was pregnant and the shit started all over again. I told myself that I would stick it out because of my child and she would grow up but it was pointless. She kept messing around and I finally had enough and left her. At least I got 2 great sons from the ordeal.
 
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