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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This had me in tears when I read it.....I wonder how many of you have suffered some of these experiences today (after the alcohol last night) :)

Sometimes when shit happens, you want to be able to articulate the experience more than just you've, taken a shit. Here are some shit definitions to help you explain the situation better to your friends and family...



Ghost Shit

You know you've shit. There's shit on the toilet paper, but no shit in the bowl.



Teflon Coated Shit

Comes out so slick, clean and easy that you don't feel it. No traces of shit on the toilet paper, you have to look in the bowl to be sure you did it!



Gooey Shit

This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe your ass 12 times and it still doesn't come clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain it. This shit leaves permanent skid marks in the toilet.



Second Thought Shit

You're all done wiping your ass and you're about to stand up when you realize it.....you've got some more.



Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit

This kind is the kind of shit that killed Elvis. It doesn't come until you're all sweaty, trembling and purple from straining so hard.



Bali Belly Shit

You shit so much you lose 5 kilos.



Right Now Shit

You better be within 10 seconds of a toilet. Usually it has its head out before you get your pants down.



King Kong or Commode Choker Shit

This shit is so big that you know it won't go down the toilet unless you break it into smaller chunks. A coat hanger works well. This kind of shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Wet Cheeks Shit

This shit hits the water sideways and makes a BIG splash that gets your ass wet.



Wish Shit

You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times, but no shit!



Cement Block or Oh God Shit

You wish you'd gotten a spinal block before you shit.



Snake Shit

This shit is fairly soft and about as big around as your thumb and at least three feet long.



Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit)

Even after the third flush, it's still floating in there. My god! How do I get rid of it? This shit usually happens at someone else's house.



Mexican Food Shit (also called Screamers)

You'll know it's alright to eat again when your asshole stops burning.



Beer Drunk Shit

This happens the day after the night before. Normally your shit doesn't smell too bad, but this shit is BAD. Usually there's somebody standing outside to use the bathroom. This kind of shit also usually happens at someone else's house.



The Frightened Turtle

The kind of shit that just pokes its head out then quickly goes back in



The Bungee Shit

The kind of shit that just hangs off your ass before it falls into the water.



The Ring of Fire Shit

The kind of shit where you eat really spicy food and your asshole feels like the inside of a cigarette lighter.



The Crippler

The kind of shit where you have to sit on the toilet so long your legs go numb from the waist down.



The Big Bobber

The kind of shit that no matter how many times you flush it always floats back to the surface.



The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang

The kind of shit that hits you when you're trapped in your car in a traffic jam.



The Incredible Hulk Shit

The king of shit that sits in the toilet overnight and mysteriously expands to twice it's normal size.



The Jack the Ripper Shit

The kind of shit that yanks out the hair of your ass as it pushes its way out.



The Party Pooper

The giant shit you take at a party. And when you flush the toilet, you watch in horror as the water starts to rise.



The Toxic Gas Shit

The kind of shit that makes you pass out and fall of the toilet before you finish, and then you wake up in some strange South American town.



Dirty Bowl Shit

The kind of shit that comes out in a million pieces a second, reminiscent of an avalanche - but with rocket propulsion, and splatters all over the toilet bowl.



The Windy City Shit

When you sit down, and fart for so long and hard that you no longer need to take a shit.



Oh Shit! Shit

You shit so much and wipe your ass so furiously you run out of toilet paper and you say OH SHIT!



The Never Ending Shit

It's the shit that keeps running out of your ass like pea, and just when you start wiping your ass your stomach gargles and splash, more shit runs out. This always happens after eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken.



Ouch That Hurt Shit

The type of shit that leaves you feeling like you just hoped onto a bicycle without a seat. Sensation usually lasts hours.

:laugh :laugh :laugh
 

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Wow, I think I'm a shit expert now that I've read this.
 

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Pygmy looking for a new name
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:laugh
 

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I've had the pleasure of doing all of the above!:blush
 

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I used to have a poster (in the bathroom:laugh ) with visuals of some of thoes- but not the Toxic Gas Shit:rotfl- glad that hasen't happened to me yet!
 

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we had a KFC bucket last night, guess what happened at 5:50 this morning,
 

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How do you catch an elephant?

1. Dig a hole
2. Fill it with ashes
3. Put peanuts around the hole
4. When the elephant goes to take a peanut you run up and kick it in the ash hole!!!!!!!!

LOL :laugh :laugh :laugh :laugh love that joke
 

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Ghost Shit done it..

Teflon Coated Shit done it, also known as an angels poo.

Gooey Shit done it..

Second Thought Shit done it

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit done it..

Bali Belly Shit NOT done it..

Right Now Shit NOT done it..

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit done it, quite common in my household..

Wet Cheeks Shit done it, another common and well known occurance at "Chez Ted"..

Wish Shit done it..

Cement Block or Oh God Shit done it, this is a usual visitor following 3 days of abstinence..

Snake Shit done it, has been known to curl back and smear all over your ass cheeks..

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit) done it, also brought on by czech budwiser..

Mexican Food Shit Also known as Thai green curry Shit..

Beer Drunk Shit NOT done it..

The Frightened Turtle Also known as the second coming 'cos this happens when you have to return to the bog after a "Pop a vein shit" and your ass muscles are not recovered..

The Bungee Shit often a prelude to the "Wet cheeks shit"..

The Ring of Fire Shit done it.. see Mexican or Thai..

The Crippler Often brought on by the presence of magazines in the bog

The Big Bobber Often followed by the "float the toilet paper" game..

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang NOT done it..

The Incredible Hulk Shit Often follows the "King kong"..

The Jack the Ripper Shit NOT done it.. I shave my ass...:laugh

The Party Pooper The wife's worst nightmare..

The Toxic Gas Shit NOT known in Hertfordshire...

Dirty Bowl Shit NOT SEEN in Hertfordshire..

The Windy City Shit Often leaves the victim out of breath with a deflated feeling..

Oh Shit! Shit NOT Kown in Hertfordshire, paper supplies are always plentiful..

The Never Ending Shit Often seen from domestic pets after the dumb ass dog keeps chasing and biting at the waves at the seaside so swallows shed loads of salt water..

Ouch That Hurt Shit See "Cement block"..


:laugh :laugh :laugh
 

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:puke...TMI...:dowhat...
Ghost Shit done it..

Teflon Coated Shit done it, also known as an angels poo.

Gooey Shit done it..

Second Thought Shit done it

Pop a Vein in Your Forehead Shit done it..

Bali Belly Shit NOT done it..

Right Now Shit NOT done it..

King Kong or Commode Choker Shit done it, quite common in my household..

Wet Cheeks Shit done it, another common and well known occurance at "Chez Ted"..

Wish Shit done it..

Cement Block or Oh God Shit done it, this is a usual visitor following 3 days of abstinence..

Snake Shit done it, has been known to curl back and smear all over your ass cheeks..

Cork Shit (Also Known as Floater Shit) done it, also brought on by czech budwiser..

Mexican Food Shit Also known as Thai green curry Shit..

Beer Drunk Shit NOT done it..

The Frightened Turtle Also known as the second coming 'cos this happens when you have to return to the bog after a "Pop a vein shit" and your ass muscles are not recovered..

The Bungee Shit often a prelude to the "Wet cheeks shit"..

The Ring of Fire Shit done it.. see Mexican or Thai..

The Crippler Often brought on by the presence of magazines in the bog

The Big Bobber Often followed by the "float the toilet paper" game..

The Shitty Shitty Bang Bang NOT done it..

The Incredible Hulk Shit Often follows the "King kong"..

The Jack the Ripper Shit NOT done it.. I shave my ass...:laugh

The Party Pooper The wife's worst nightmare..

The Toxic Gas Shit NOT known in Hertfordshire...

Dirty Bowl Shit NOT SEEN in Hertfordshire..

The Windy City Shit Often leaves the victim out of breath with a deflated feeling..

Oh Shit! Shit NOT Kown in Hertfordshire, paper supplies are always plentiful..

The Never Ending Shit Often seen from domestic pets after the dumb ass dog keeps chasing and biting at the waves at the seaside so swallows shed loads of salt water..

Ouch That Hurt Shit See "Cement block"..


:laugh :laugh :laugh
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
Ted, I can't believe you haven't done a drunk shit....peterborough, kent bike shows come to mind, not to mention working for BT and the odd lunchtime bevvie!!! AND your real name is Richard (III) :laugh :laugh :laugh

Using hertfordshire as an excuse as well....I bet the Queen has done all of them :laugh :laugh :laugh
 

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Ted, I can't believe you haven't done a drunk shit....peterborough, kent bike shows come to mind, not to mention working for BT and the odd lunchtime bevvie!!! AND your real name is Richard (III) :laugh :laugh :laugh

Using hertfordshire as an excuse as well....I bet the Queen has done all of them :laugh :laugh :laugh

Nah, I don't get drunk :devious I favour the :puke method of clearing my guts..:laugh

AND... like the Queen, my shit don't stink... :tongue

Farts..... now that's a different matter...:)
 
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