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Pygmy looking for a new name
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14,150 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Thought you'd enjoy these...:)

1. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.

2. A will is a dead giveaway.

3. Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.

4. A backward poet writes inverse.

5. In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

6. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.

7. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

8. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.

9. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

10. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

11. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered.

12. A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.

13. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

14. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under.

15. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

16. A calendar's days are numbered.

17. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.

18. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

19. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

20. A plateau is a high form of flattery.

21. The short fortuneteller who escaped from prison: A small medium at large.

22. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

23. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

24. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.

25. When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.

26. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

27. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses.

28. Acupuncture: A jab well done.

29. Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
 

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Moderator,
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8,243 Posts
Ban him now! One tryker is enough.

Oh, and don't forget about the ophthalmologist who fell into his lens grinder and made a spectacle of himself.
 

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2,569 Posts
oh my gosh!
 

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Pygmy looking for a new name
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14,150 Posts
Discussion Starter #4
Ban me? I figure, if you can't beat her, join her! :)
 

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gixxerjasen said:
Ban me? I figure, if you can't beat her, join her! :)
I knew I'd get yer in the end.:laugh :laugh Just another 7000 to go :laugh :laugh

Some more to make you moan.......Yes I love making people moan :devious :laugh


What is "out of bounds"?
An exhausted kangaroo!

Have you ever seen a duchess?
Yes - it's the same as an English "s"!

What followed the dinosaur?
It's tail!

Did you hear about the mad scientist who put dynamite in his fridge?
They say it blew his cool!


:laugh :laugh :laugh
 

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What is a polygon?
A dead parrot!

Dad, there is a man at the door collecting for the new swimming pool.
Give him a glass of water!

Eat up your spinach, it'll put color in your cheeks.
But I don't want green cheeks!

I like the first one...old but still funny :laugh
 

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timr said:
Groan :banghead
Triker, you remind me of my father-in-law! :laugh
Why would that be?

Whats the difference between "in-laws" and "out-laws"?

Out-laws are wanted...boom boom :laugh :laugh
 

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Pygmy looking for a new name
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14,150 Posts
Discussion Starter #11
Theres a book? :eek:mg
 

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timr said:
OK - perhaps not but he must get the same christmas crackers or something....:dowhat
Sounds like Pete has a GREAT sense of humour :laugh :laugh

Did you hear about the fool who keeps going around saying "no"?



















No.




Oh, so it's you!

:laugh :laugh :laugh
 

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tlr-triker said:
Why would that be?

Whats the difference between "in-laws" and "out-laws"?

Out-laws are wanted...boom boom :laugh :laugh
finally, one that made me actually lol :lol
 

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What do you call a fish on a motorcycle ?
A motor pike !

What do you call a chicken that eats cement ?
A bricklayer !

What was the Californian hippie vampire like?
He was ghoul man. Real ghoul.

What does a vampire say when you tell him a ghoul joke?
Ghoul blimey!

:laugh :laugh
 

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Did you hear about the Frenchman who couldnt say the number 8?

He had a wheat allergy! :laugh

I'm ere all week.....
 

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"Do you turn on your computer with your left hand or your right hand?"
" My right hand."
" Amazing!Most people have to use the on/off switch." ...ta dahh :laugh :laugh

Helpline? I've just pushed a piece of bacon into my disk drive!
Has the computer stopped working?
No, but there's a lot of crackling.

How do you stop your laptop batteries from running out?
Hide their trainers.

my favourite.....


What did the mouse say to the webcam?
Cheese. :laugh :rofl
 

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Did you hear about the bloke who made love to a lorry?






He is being tested to see if he is HGV positive. :dowhat
 

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daveC said:
Did you hear about the bloke who made love to a lorry?






He is being tested to see if he is HGV positive. :dowhat

Dave your worse then me :dowhat :laugh
 
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