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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm not too well at the moment so wifey got me an appointment at the surgery. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong in a room full of other patients. The receptionist said,

"Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my dick," I said.

The receptionist got real irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," I said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this roomful of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

I got real annoyed "You shouldn't ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone." I went out and cooled off then went back in.

The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

There's something wrong with my ear," i said

The smart a$$ receptionist smiled, thinking she'd got one on me.
"And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it,"

:laugh
 

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:laugh
 

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Ah crap....................you and Ally been swapping bad jokes? :coocoo


How are you Tiny old chap :O
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
How are you Tiny old chap :O
im good mate....

actually managed to get out on the 12 for the first time in ages on sunday.. took a spin down to see mark and jen.. see how her arm was and say merry xmas and all that...

good to be out on two wheels.. (well most of the time :devious)

Jens arm looks nasty :dowhat but from the sounds of it it looks a lot better now than it did.. most of the bruising and swelling has gone.. poor old dear was asleep on the sofa when i turned up while Schlappa was in the kitchen doing the washing up!!!!!!! :laugh :laugh
 

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Bastage :rant
Nice of you to do the ironing for us though Steve. :hail :laugh
 

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:eatcorn :eatcorn :eatcorn
 

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Best one-liners from the Edinburgh Festival

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. -
Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. - Jimmy
Carr (or Tarka)

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears. - Chris Addison at the Pleasance

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of
our family holidays in Customs. - Patrick Monahan at the Gilded Balloon

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died. Dido must be
sh*tting herself. - Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was
never smacked as a child... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep
at night. - Susan Murray at the Underbelly

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people
were given pointed sticks? - Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because
eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?" And you
murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening.. Self-raising?" - Addy Van
Der Borgh at the Assembly Rooms

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and
punched someone in the face. - Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the
obvious one was "Shout For Help". - Mark Watson, Rhod Gilbert at the Tron

I went out with an Irish Catholic. Very frustrating. You can take the girl
out of Cork... - Markus Birdman at the Pod Deco

I got a phone call today to do a gig at a fire station. Went along. Turned
out it was a bloody hoax. - Adrian Poynton at the Pleasance

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a
winner and a loser at the same time. - Demetri Martin at the Assembly
Rooms

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please". The
hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the
circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber". -
Steven Alan Green at C34

Hey - you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. - Brendon
Burns at the Pleasance

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got
one!" - Norman Lovett at The Stand

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very
good at it. - Arnold Brown at The Stand

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel,
then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're
trained for that. - Milton Jones at the Underbelly
 
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