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The Squirrel and the Grasshopper

THE REST-OF-THE-WORLD VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and
improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

THE END


THE BRITISH VERSION:

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
house and laying up supplies for the winter.


It's long but it's still worth a read !!!

The grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer
away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

A social worker finds the shivering grasshopper, calls a press conference and
demands to know why the squirrel should be allowed to be warm and well fed while
others less fortunate, like the grasshopper, are cold and starving.

The BBC shows up to provide live coverage of the shivering grasshopper; with
cuts to a video of the squirrel in his comfortable warm home with a table laden
with food.

The British press inform people that they should be ashamed that in a country
of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so, while others have
plenty.

The Labour Party, Greenpeace, Animal Rights and The Grasshopper Council of GB
demonstrate in front of the squirrel's house.

The BBC, interrupting a cultural festival special from Notting Hill with the
breaking news, broadcasts a multi cultural choir singing "We Shall Overcome".

Ken Livingstone rants in an interview with Trevor McDonald that the squirrel
has gotten rich off the backs of grasshoppers, and calls for an immediate tax
hike on the squirrel to make him pay his "fair share" and increases the charge
for squirrels to enter inner London.

In response to pressure from the media, the Government drafts the Economic
Equity and Grasshopper Anti Discrimination Act, retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.

The squirrel's taxes are reassessed.

He is taken to court and fined for failing to hire grasshoppers as builders
for the work he was doing on his home and an additional fine for contempt when
he told the court the grasshopper did not want to work.

The grasshopper is provided with a council house, financial aid to furnish it
and an account with a local taxi firm to ensure he can be socially mobile.

The squirrel's food is seized and redistributed to the more needy members of
society, in this case the grasshopper.

Without enough money to buy more food, to pay the fine and his newly imposed
retroactive taxes, the squirrel has to downsize and start building a new home.

The local authority takes over his old home and utilises it as a temporary
home for asylum seeking cats who had hijacked a plane to get to Britain as they
had to share their country of origin with mice.

On arrival the try to blow up the airport because of Britain's apparent love
of dogs.

The cats had been arrested for the international offence of hijacking and
attempted bombing but were immediately released because the police fed them
pilchards instead of salmon whilst in custody.

Initial moves to then return them to their own country were abandoned because
it was feared they would face death by the mice.

The cats devise and start a scam to obtain money from people's credit cards.

A Panorama special shows the grasshopper finishing up the last of the
squirrel's food, though Spring is still months away, while the council house he
is in, crumbles around him because he hasn't bothered to maintain the house.

He is shown to be taking drugs. Inadequate government funding is blamed for
the grasshopper's drug 'illness'.

The cats seek recompense in the British courts for their treatment since
arrival in UK.

The grasshopper gets arrested for stabbing an old dog during a burglary to get
money for his drugs habit.

He is imprisoned but released immediately because he has been in custody for a
few weeks.

He is placed in the care of the probation service to monitor and supervise
him.

Within a few weeks he has killed a guinea pig in a botched robbery.

A commission of enquiry, that will eventually cost £10,000,000 and state the
bleeding obvious, is set up.

Additional money is put into funding a drug rehabilitation scheme for
grasshoppers and legal aid for lawyers representing asylum seekers is increased.

The asylum seeking cats are praised by the government for enriching Britain's
multicultural diversity and dogs are criticised by the government for failing to
befriend the cats.

The grasshopper dies of a drug overdose.

The usual sections of the press blame it on the obvious failure of government
to address the root causes of despair arising from social inequity and his
traumatic experience of prison.

They call for the resignation of a minister.

The cats are paid a million pounds each because their rights were infringed
when the government failed to inform them there were mice in the United Kingdom.

The squirrel, the dogs and the victims of the hijacking, the bombing, the
burglaries and robberies have to pay an additional percentage on their credit
cards to cover losses, their taxes are increased to pay for law and order and
they are told that they will have to work beyond 65 because of a shortfall in
government funds.

THE END
 

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:banghead never a trued word spoken :rant makes me wanna :puke that this country is having the p*ss taken out of it, and all the honest hard working people who just want a quiet life and being punished :rant oh f*ck it, I am stopping writing as this is one thing that really winds me up big time :rant
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
AllyMC said:
:banghead never a trued word spoken :rant makes me wanna :puke that this country is having the p*ss taken out of it, and all the honest hard working people who just want a quiet life and being punished :rant oh f*ck it, I am stopping writing as this is one thing that really winds me up big time :rant
:stupid - I'm with you there bud.
 

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blademansw said:
:stupid - I'm with you there bud.
:stupid +1

I had a thought on the way into work today, apart from "f**k it's slippery!" - wouldn't it be interesting if millions of UK residents threatened to get together and all move to another country (prolly different countries) at the same time?:dunno All those job vacancies, all that money from the sale of personally owned UK things (houses, cheese, etc.) going to another country - that'll make 'em angry. Whadya think!:banana

This would be an enormous pain in the arse of course, and I'd only suggest 'looking like' we're gonna do it, because unhooking kids from schools, mortgages from houses and all that PLUS finding another country that will accept you (even bladesman:nana), would be an enormous hassle!

I'd go to slovakia...the girls :drool not fantastic at certain acts, but what the hey.

:D
 

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bikerchris said:
wouldn't it be interesting if millions of UK residents threatened to get together and all move to another country
Didn't this happen once before, except not quite in the UK? :O :laugh

Here's a tip though...bring beads. You can rip off the locals for good land in exchange for beads.
 

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WTF is the big deal about grasshoppers and stray cats :O :coocoo

:)
 

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I am currently looking into moving me the "better half" and the sprogs to another country, the missus is well up for it, but we are taking our time, looking into things like schooling local economy, and probably most importantly LEGAL SYSTEM........ well I have to know if I get pulled over on the TL ( Oh yes the TL will be moving with me ) that the rozzers aint going to suddenly want to polish the rusty sheriffs badge:dowhat
The missus quite likes NZ, so further investigation will be needed, hmmmm wonder if I can make an excuse to go there for a visit through the company :devious :devious

But seriously this F*ckin country is going to the gutter, as many of you have posted up not just in this thread but it others I am not the only one thinking this, I mean is it not just F*ckin insane that criminals get the majority of the good things and US hard working honest ( Well some of us are :laugh ) people, are getting bent over and rodgered stupid :O :rant :banghead :banghead :banghead
its seems arse for elbow....................

:rant mutter:rant mutter:rant mutter:rant

:mutterasslamsdoornotsosmilie
 

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We aren't far behind yis lads over here. Same shite!! :rant
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
And doesn't it just piss you off. Positive discrimination its called:banghead :banghead :banghead :banghead
 

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:) Yes its very sad , and also very true , I so want to be proud of my country but time after time I have the shit kicked out of me and other hard working people like me are suffering at the hands of the have-nots who some one in power has decided that they are a minority :O so by law we have to keep our mouths shut and cannot speak out at the injustices that the majority have to endure , Fookers :rant Over
 

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The saddest part, is there "rest of the world" situtation doesn't currently exist anywhere that I know of. Only real differences in some countries the squirl is allowed to work and then have his stuff taken, in others he isn't allowed to work in the first place:rant
 

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Yes, an apparently insightful study of the social and political dynamics at work in British society today.

(and the sad, and somewhat ironic, truth is it would probably be unwise of me to say more than this on the matter, even here).


Doc
 

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:eatcorn :eatcorn :eatcorn
 

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Ally, you've prob' read/seen it before but we aim to be outa here within 3yrs hopefully!!
When we were in Oz, JJ was offered 3 full-time jobs in one day in Perth & I have options too................one being asking for a transfer to a depot out there within the company I work for at the mo', plus some very good contacts (referees?).

Now I know there are guys all across the Zone that were or still are in the Armed Forces (I'm one of 'em) and for me the situation is ssooooooooooo frustrating :banghead :banghead :banghead

I'll shut up now before I'm banned for being too un-p.c


ah, bollox :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :rant :fire
 

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Dr. Phibes said:
(and the sad, and somewhat ironic, truth is it would probably be unwise of me to say more than this on the matter, even here).


Doc
well said DR:hail
:yes i believe someone was sentenced to 2 years a couple of weeks ago for comments he posted on a web site:coocoo YES they were massively offencive and hateful............but it doesnt change the fact that you can now be jailed for posting your opinions on an Internet forum:dowhat :coocoo
big brother IS watching you
 

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Sorry dave, but growing up on this side of the pond, the idea of that just blows my friggin mind!
 
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