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A couple was on their honeymoon, lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to the husband, "I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin."

The husband replies, "That's no big thing in this day and age."

The wife continues, "Yeah, I've been with one guy."

"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?"

"Tiger Woods."

"Tiger Woods, the golfer?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's rich, famous and handsome. I can see why you went to bed with him."

The husband and wife then make passionate love.

When they are done, the husband gets up and walks to the telephone.

"What are you doing?" asks the wife.

The husband says, "I'm hungry, I was going to call room service and get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it a second time."

The husband puts down the phone and goes back to bed to make love a second time.

When they finish, he gets up and goes over to the phone. "Now what are you doing?" she asks.

The husband says, "I'm still hungry so I was going to get room service to get something to eat."

"Tiger wouldn't do that."

"Oh yeah? What would Tiger do?"

"He'd come back to bed and do it again."

The guy slams down the phone, goes back to bed, and makes love one more time.

When they finish he's tired and beat. He drags himself over to the phone and starts to dial.

The wife asks, "Are you calling room service?"

"No! I'm calling Tiger Woods. To find out what the par is for this damn hole."
 

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:laugh
 

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What is the difference between a golf ball and an SUV?




























































Tiger can drive a golf ball 400 yards.
 

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:laugh
 

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“Little Johnny” story. Here it is:



It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have

turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the

children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.



Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can

leave early today."



Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart

and will answer the question."



Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"



Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."



Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."



Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first.



Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"



Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."



Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."



Johnny is even madder than before.



Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"



Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."



Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave."



Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the

questions.



When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would

keep their mouths shut!"



The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?"



Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"
 

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Tiger shark spotted off local coast.

 

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:laugh
 
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