Sunday, June 17th was Father’s Day. It is the first Father’s Day that I did not have a father to wish Happy Father’s Day to. I would love to have said those words once more to my dad. I would have loved to have said “I love you dad”. Dad would have looked at me and smiled a soft, warming, gentle smile, one of delight and content, as he would reply “Son you did not have to do that” “Ah shucks dad, it’s not much, take mom out and have dinner on me” I would happily exclaim, “pick up you something as well. This is your day dad, have fun and enjoy”.
On this day my mind was preoccupied a little because of work I had to do. With each hour of the day it dragged by oh so slow. I was dragging, working on this day. As I sit with my family this Father’s Day who met me for lunch, I realized this Father’s Day I don’t have dear ole dad. My three children gave me gifts they made. As tears filled my eyes I could not help to think what I would have given “my dad “on this special day. Would it have been money, a gift card, dinner, or something more?
My mind races with possibilities as my youngest loudly and repeatedly called out. “Daddy, Happy Father’s Day, Daddy, Happy Father’s Day, Daddy, Happy Father’s day”. My oldest two children would chime in as well. “Happy Father’s Day”. I snap back to reality and smiled, I gave them big hugs and kisses to each one of them and thanked them for remembering dear ole dad. I did not care they may have been a bit loud, perhaps others did, but right now it did not matter to me for my children were wishing me a great day. The time was filled with joy but even still I longed to say those words as well. I think of dad everyday but on this day I thought of him even more as I think I should.
I have no idea if our loved ones hear you or not in the ever after, but as I stood by dad’s resting place and quietly said: “I miss you dad, I love you dad, Happy Father’s day”. As the birds chirp in the background, as the sun sets against the recent storm clouds across the mountains I take comfort that perhaps dear ole dad is looking at me with a soft, warm, gentle smile saying that’s my boy. Happy Father’s Day son. I cannot see the expression on his face but I can remember his smile, the voice of years passed that will never fade away. Those memories will carry me through, no matter what. Today, Father’s Day, I believe my dad knew I was thinking of him and wishing him a great day.